Jokes For a New Normal

May 8

Jokes for May 8, 2013

Mark Sanford, the ex-governor who infamously disappeared to visit his mistress in Argentina, has won a special election to fill a vacant House seat.  Sanford says he has learned from his mistakes, and will make sure his next mistress lives within driving distance. 

Dennis Rodman is trying to get a U.S. citizen released from North Korean custody by asking Kim Jung Un to “do me a solid.”  Un was a little ticked off by the request, given he already let Rodman borrow his car and picked up the last case of beer.

The National Institute of Health is investing $400,000 into developing underwear that can detect when a person is smoking cigarettes.  Hopefully it will be more successful the Institute’s previous investment involving checkbooks that can detect when you’re wasting money. 

A Texas judge has ruled that cheerleaders are allowed to display banners with Bible verses at high school football games.  He reasoned that when it comes to cheerleaders, nobody really pays attention to what their holding.   

Forbes Magazine has named Tim Tebow the most influential athlete in America.  Indeed, Tebow has shown kids that they can become famous sports stars even if they never get a chance to play.